Long jokes
Convincing excuse
A woman goes home early and finds her husband in their bedroom making love with a beautiful and sexy young woman. She says then:
- Pig species! How can you do that to me, your faithful wife, the mother of your children? I leave this house, I ask for a divorce!
- Wait, wait a minute! Before you go, let me at least tell you what happened, he says.
- Ok, but that's the last thing I'll hear from you.
The husband begins to tell his story.
- I was driving home and this young woman was hitchhiking. I saw it so clueless that I stopped and put it up. She was pretty but dirty and ragged. She explained that she had not eaten for 3 days ...
Very moved, I brought her home and I warmed the ravioli I had prepared for you the night before and you did not want to eat because you're afraid to grow. The poor little girl practically devoured them.
As she was very dirty, I suggested that she take a shower ... While she was showering, I took her clothes full of holes, I threw them and I gave her jeans that you had for a few years and you can not wear because it's too fair.
I also gave him the blouse I gave you on the occasion of your birthday and that you do not wear because I do not taste good.
I gave him the sweater that my sister gave you and that you will not wear, just to annoy him.
I also gave him the boots that you bought in a luxury shop and that you never put, after seeing the same worn by your co-worker.
The young woman was very grateful and I accompanied her to the door.
The story should have stopped there ... but she turned to me with tears and asked me ...
- You have nothing else that your wife does not use?
A boss wants to hire an accountant
A boss wants to hire an accountant for his business.
He says to himself, at first, that he will look for a soldier. They are rigorous, disciplined people, etc.
The interview goes well, and before saying goodbye, the boss still asks the former officer if he knows how to count.
- But yes of course ! the military responds.
- Very good. Go a little, to see.
- A two, a two, a two ...
The boss thinks and then says that he is going to look for a computer scientist. They are logical, intelligent, etc.
The interview is going well, and in the end he asks the same question.
- No problem, says the computer scientist. Zero one, zero one, zero ...
Finally, the boss has an illumination: he will hire an official! They are honest, conscientious, etc ...
The appointment is quickly dispatched, and then comes the moment of the famous question:
- Yes, of course, says the official: One, two, three ...
- Well, keep going ...
- Four, five, six, seven, eight ...
- Great ! A little more ?
- Nine, ten, valet, lady and king
Women and ducks in paradise
Three women die at the same time in an accident and find themselves at the gates of paradise. Saint-Pierre is here to welcome them:
- Good morning ladies, here in paradise, we have only one rule, you must never walk on a duck, or you will regret it!
He therefore brings the three ladies into paradise. There are ducks everywhere, it is almost impossible to move without crushing one. The three women are extremely careful, but the first walk accidentally on a duck. St. Peter immediately arrives with a horribly ugly man, ties him to the woman, and says:
- Your punishment, for walking on a duck, will be to be attached to this man for eternity!
The two other women who attended the scene pay even more attention. However, the second woman walks, she too on a duck.
Once again, St. Peter does not let that happen, and arrives with a hideously ugly man. He ties them together and says:
- Your punishment, for walking on a duck, will be to be attached to this man for eternity!
The third woman never wants to end up in such a horrible position. She managed to hold out for several weeks, when suddenly St. Peter arrived with the most beautiful man she had ever seen, and tied them together. Tall, muscular, tanned, he was just perfect. She then said to him:
- I wonder what I could do to be attached to you for eternity!
The handsome man answers:
- I do not know about you, but I walked on a duck!